works 2019

Looking back on the works that I have saved from the year 2019, it's kind of hilarious how quickly the worst of the existential horrors lifted from my art as soon as I left Tenerife and came to Minnesota. I still struggled massively that year, I still experienced trauma and had no idea what the hell I was doing at any given time, but at least I was no longer suicidal.

There's a lot to be said about Minnesota, and the US in general. It's not my favorite place. There's a lot of rampant violence and addiction, and I've seen how it fucks people up. Since living here, I have cycled through a number of jobs, some awful and some ok, I've lost a friend to OD, I've been stalked and harassed and got my leg broken by an ex. There is virulent ignorance, racism, transphobia, and all manner of horrible beliefs and behaviors. The winters suck and there aren't enough spaces designed to be lovingly lived in. Homeless people are hated and maligned, and evicted from their encampments with no attempt to help them find temporary homes to live in. COVID was handled SO poorly, and people fell to conspiracy theories like fruit flies to vinegar.

And yet, here I am. I've survived it all. Shaken, and stirred, and very tired. I have my fair share of problems but living feels possible. Achieving something is beginning to feel possible. I have friends and family who love me, whom I love. Despite it all, I'm still here.